Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Camp Half-blood
by cazziez13
Summary: All the hilarious unsaid rules at our favorite demi-god camp. (One-shot)


**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Rick Riordan.**

1\. No matter how funny it is, releasing a tarantula in the Athena cabin is rude and idiotic. Also it's dangerous for your health.

2\. Referring to Frank Zhang as "Panda Man" and "My personal Dragon Taxi" is thoughtless, tactless and offensive.

3\. Calling Mr.D "The Wine Dude" is not only risking your health, but also sanity.

4\. Betting on the outcome of Capture the Flag is a dishonest way of making money, and betting against the Hermes camper will undoubtedly bankrupt you.

5\. Stealing Chiron's tail curlers isn't only illegal, but will cost you a month of extra chores.

6\. Following Percy and Annabeth around on dates and screaming "ship"

Whenever they do something romantic is rude and creepy.

7\. Even if they don't say so, the Stoles strongly dislike being referred to "Thing 1 and Thing 2".

8\. Telling new campers Nico Di Angelo is possessed by a demon is offensive and tactless.

9\. Replacing all the weapons in the tool shed with Nerf guns is not expectable, and won't be taken lightly.

10\. No matter how many times you ask, the Hephaestus campers will not make you a free Xbox or Play Station. They have more important projects.

11\. Watching "Doctor Who" on your laptop is NOT more important than the safety of the campers.

12\. Quoting "The Princess Bride" while sword fighting is only amusing the first time. After that it's just plain annoying.

13\. You are not, and cannot be a child of Artemis, Hestia, Hera, Gaea or a Titan, that is impossible and you aren't that special.

14\. The Demeter campers don't appreciate you mowing the grass on their cabin roof. They don't enjoy you hiding chocolate bunnies up there either.

15\. Percabeth is not Camp Half-blood's "ship mascot", because there isn't a "ship mascot".

16\. Leo Valdez is not yours. Although he likes the attention, Calypso absolutely despises it.

17\. Unlike Leo, Nico doesn't enjoy his fan base. He finds it creepy and an invasion of privacy.

18\. The only person allowed to call Percy 'Seaweed Brain' is Annabeth.

There are no exceptions to this rule.

Ever.

19\. The same goes for calling Annabeth

'Wise Girl'.

20\. You may not build a treehouse in the woods. It is pointless and dangerous.

21\. Saying: "I wanted a summer cabin", as an excuse for rule 20 will not work.

22\. Starting a betting pool on if campers on a quest survive, is not only a dishonest way of making money, but tactless and unexceptionable.

23\. You may not refer to the Stole siblings as 'bookends'.

24\. The Prophecy 7 do not like being called 'The Demigod Mascots.

25\. Do not, under any circumstances, use the Prophecy 7 as role models.

26\. Making fun of one of the Prophecy 7 is not recommended. If you do so, the other 6 will make sure you are 'dealt with'.

27\. When Travis and Katie argue, "Get a room!" is not the appropriate response.

28\. Do not, under any circumstance, have Ella read the 'Twilight Saga'. The Aphrodite campers (excluding Piper) may be fine with this, but everyone else will never forgive you.

29\. Whenever the Hunters of Artemis visit, you may not follow then around singing 'Single Ladies'.

30\. If you value your wellbeing, do not steal Clarisse's spear. If you do, no one will feel sorry for you.

31\. Pushing Piper off a cliff so Jason can fly over is not acceptable. Doing this just so you can repeatedly scream "SHIP" will cost you 3 months of extra chores.

32\. Following your OTP wherever they go to fangirl over romantic moments isn't acceptable. This is rude and an invasion of privacy.

33\. As amusing as it is, you may not place Justin Bieber posters over the archery targets. Most campers enjoy this, but it will cause a huge uproar in the Aphrodite cabin. You will be responsible for the mess.

34\. You may not order takeout and have it delivered to Half-blood Hill.

This does not just confuse the delivery guy, it also risks revealing the gods existence.

35\. The probability of you being a child of the big 3 is extremely low. Stop trying to activate your 'powers'.

36\. Please refrain from using 'yo mama' jokes. We will not be responsible if (Read when.) you are smote by an angry goddess.

37\. The no maiming rule does not just apply to capture the flag. I'm looking at you Ares campers.

38\. Do not flirt with the Hunters of Artemis. They are extremely dangerous and once burnt three cabins down.

39\. Leaving camp to by candy or soda is not allowed and doesn't count as a quest.

40\. For your own safety, don't prank the Hecate campers. Last time they were pranked, the offenders were turned into pigs for a week.

41\. Please, don't show Bob the anime _Attack on Titan_. Nobody wants him to go through an "am I good or bad" crisis, one time is enough.

43\. Or the manga for that matter.

44\. You know what, just don't show Bob any T.V. show or book

45\. Despite the rumors, we are not all fictional characters created by 'Rick Riordan. So please stop telling that to all the new campers.

46\. This 'Rick Riordan' is actually the God of trolling and cliffhangers.

47\. If you value your safety, don't talk about Bianca around Nico. Just don't even try.

48\. No, the Hephaestus campers won't make you an Iron Man suit.

49\. Quit asking Annabeth to do your homework. Or any other Athena campers for that matter.

50\. Stop telling new campers there are Egyptian magicians that live in Brooklyn, that's preposterous.


End file.
